Jealousy: that uncomfortable feeling, motivated by insecurity. Jealousy in Relationship It is born of an almost inexplicable fear of losing the attention and interest of the loved one. Who has never felt jealous, cast the first stone! Here we are talking about jealousy in love relationships. However, it can also manifest itself among siblings, friends and co-workers, for example. However, it is said that feeling jealous is something natural, and even a legacy left by our ancestors.
Primitive man was jealous of his partner. He feared the possibility that his children were not legitimate and so he protected his lineage. The primitive woman, on the other hand, AnastasiaDate.com was jealous of her partner for fear that she and her offspring would be abandoned. She feared that she would not be supported by the head of the family .
If we look carefully, there is a great deal of truth in this correlation. Being jealous of some situations is quite common to almost everyone. Some even say that they like it when their partner demonstrates this. That’s because the complete absence of jealousy can give the idea of indifference.
In fact, there is a healthy portion of jealousy, which refers to care, affection and the desire to preserve the relationship. But it is necessary to be attentive so that this feeling is not dominant. So that he doesn’t end up damaging the relationship, to the point of causing a breakup. Next, let’s understand a little more about jealousy and why it can be a threat to happiness and the future of relationships .
In the dictionary we find the following definition of jealousy:
- complex emotional state that involves a painful feeling provoked towards a person whose exclusive love is intended; fear that the loved one will dedicate his affection to others; zelo (more use in pl.).
- fear of missing something.
Therefore, we can see, without much effort, that this feeling is related to the desire for exclusivity. That is, it is the situations that pose a threat to this exclusivity that most arouse jealousy between a couple .
A lot of people confuse jealousy with envy , but these are different feelings. Envy starts from the principle of wanting to be like the other or to have what the other has. And yes, this “wanting to have” can refer to the attention and affection of a third party. Envy, however, is usually a one-sided relationship, of desire for material things or the social status of another person.
Jealousy and the Third Element
However, jealousy always has a pivot, a third “threatening” element. The older son may feel jealous of the mother because he thinks she pays more attention to the younger son; the girl may feel jealous of her best friend when she pays attention to another friend. And the boyfriend tends to feel jealous when the girlfriend attracts the attention of other men by her beauty or behavior .
Note that the possibility of being passed over, deceived and, above all, betrayed makes any human being, no matter how secure and self -confident , jealous in the face of a potential context of rejection.
However, insecure people are more likely to be jealous. The reasons can be the most banal and baseless. In this case, there is a fine line separating reality from fantasy. To avoid crises and even distrust of the partner, it is necessary to understand jealousy from some emotions and situations that tend to trigger it. Let’s see:
It is not uncommon for jealousy to become part of a person’s life from a traumatic experience in relationships, whether current or previous. When going through a betrayal , for example, the person who previously did not consider himself jealous starts to feel suspicious, afraid of going through all that again.
If you are in a new relationship , you may find that the current partner tends to do the same as the previous one who cheated on you. Or even, if you have given a second chance to those who “took the ball”, you become much more cautious from then on, and let a jealousy emerge that did not exist before.
Self Esteem Down There – Jealousy in Relationship
An individual with low self- esteem may not feel worthy of the love and attention of others. And because he has a distorted image of himself, believing that he is not good enough in certain ways, he can end up becoming very jealous when entering a relationship. Thus, the lack of self-esteem will make you fear rejection constantly. In these cases, jealousy is a feeling that will be present in life together, preventing the person from fully living their relationships.
Possessiveness: Warning Sign for Unhealthy Jealousy
Worse than jealousy itself is the lack of control over it. The extremes of possessiveness and the attempt to control the other are alerts to a type of pathological jealousy, which can border on out of control and have serious consequences. Not everyone who is jealous is possessive , AnastasiaDate but everyone who is possessive is jealous. That’s because there’s a kind of abandonment anxiety involved that makes a person more vulnerable. By feeling powerless, the need arises to control the other and stay as close as possible, which gives the partner the feeling of being suffocated.
In this way, trying to exert control over the other comes from uncertainty – which is something intolerable for the jealous. With this, he creates situations, observes details and becomes questioner about every step the other person takes, demonstrating his possessiveness.
If you go to the extreme of rummaging through your partner’s belongings or even wanting to forbid him to go out alone and keep your friendships , it’s important to be aware of the warning of an advanced stage of jealousy, which can be considered unhealthy and deeply harmful.
Othello Syndrome – Jealousy in Relationship
Unhealthy jealousy has already gained the status of a syndrome, and has been named “Othello Syndrome”, referring to the Shakespearean character who kills his own wife because of his unhealthy obsession and jealousy.
In fact, possessiveness can have disastrous consequences. From the attempt to control the steps of the loved one with constant questions about their routine, through the invasion of social networks , cell phone and email to more aggressive reactions , pathological jealousy can even cost a person’s life.
However, not all cases reach the tragic point of taking the life of the partner out of jealousy. However, in many abusive relationships , psychological damage can occur that will leave deep marks on each one. The pressure caused by distrust and the loss of individuality that unhealthy jealousy causes can lead a person to develop depression and severe anxiety disorders.
How to maintain self-control and dribble jealousy?
Dealing with jealousy can seem difficult. Maybe it’s even something that causes a certain level of suffering . However, it is possible – and necessary – to manage your emotions . It is essential to seek alternatives to overcome this feeling and not let it control your life and relationships.
Problem Recognition – Jealousy in Relationship
The first step is to realize what is happening and to recognize yourself as someone who feels excessively jealous. Whether out of pride, or even a lack of understanding of their own emotions, some people can’t accept their jealousy, let alone accept that it goes beyond the acceptable limit.
However, this is a fundamental requirement to not let yourself be dominated by insecurity and fear of loss, without there being a real reason for it.
Work on self-esteem
Stay strong and with self- esteem will make all the difference when it comes to dribbling jealousy. For this, it is important to perform pleasurable activities, direct the focus to important tasks, in short… to feel useful!
How about starting that course that has been postponed for so long? Or resume a hobby that has been forgotten? When we do things we like and have the ability at, we realize how important our actions are and that makes us emotionally stronger. In addition, taking care of appearance, doing physical activities and properly feeding the body and mind are also ways to raise self- esteem.
Maintain an open dialogue between the couple – Jealousy in Relationship
If you recognize your jealousy, it’s important to tell your partner how you feel in certain situations. Don’t close yourself off believing that the other will guess the reason for your dissatisfaction.
Be clear about what makes you uncomfortable. Open the way so that the person you are in a relationship with can also talk about the things that you don’t like. Seek to put yourself in the other’s place and believe that he is by your side because he chose you to love.
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Exercise self-confidence and trust in others – Jealousy in Relationship
Trusting yourself is a requirement to keep the disastrous consequences of excessive jealousy at bay. When we recognize our qualities and know that we are worthy of the love and respect of our partner, we stop having reason for so much insecurity and we start to trust the other more as well.
When jealousy becomes destructive and damages the lives of both, to the point of also reflecting on each one’s individuality, it’s time to seek help from a psychologist. Psychotherapy , whether individual or in the form of couple therapy , can show paths that were previously unknown. Psychological counseling can give a new perspective to relationships.